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   How did we end up hating ourselves, loathing ourselves, being thoroughly disgusted with ourselves?  Can it be that we know we will never be good enough?  That we will never fit in?  How can we escape that feeling of worthlessness?  Turning to substances that numb our existence?

   Many of us go down that road.  We feel it’s the easier, softer way at the time.  Ingest it.  Inhale it.  Imbibe it.  Inject it.  Or whatever method takes you away from how you are feeling about the world, your life, and, especially, yourself.

   It worked for awhile, didn’t it.  It was even fun for awhile, right?  Until you crossed that line of no return.  Where you could no longer control that addiction; it controlled you.  That’s all you could think about.  Everything else was interfering with your using.

   Sure is shitty how this all unfolds.  But, again, know that you are not alone.  Many of us have gone down that path, many of us are still there, and many of us have dug ourselves out.  Not alone.  That’s too hard and abstinence doesn’t take away the pain.  Reach out.  Ask for help.  Shed the guilt and the shame.  You have a disease.

   I used a 12 Step Program to dig out.  The 12 Steps helped me to love myself for who and what I am.  They helped me understand why I felt worthless and how fear-based my mindset was.  It helped me to understand why I adopted the mindset I had.  And now I can shed that mindset and allow in as a replacement only that which serves my highest good.  Self-love and self-worth.  Gratitude and humility.  And a purpose to carry my message of hope.

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