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1_WholeWorld (DbH)





by Dee Harris

   Every day, in every way, I get better and better.  And it all started on that magical day when I asked for help.

   I don’t remember being taught as a child to ask for help.  I only remember feeling belittled when I couldn’t do it myself, didn’t know the answer, felt lost and full of confusion.  We’re taught to put on our big girl panties and “JUST DO IT”!  Well, that doesn’t serve us…that doesn’t make for strong human beings nor a strong humanity.  And when I found myself dazed and confused (I still love Led Zeppelin) as to why I felt like a piece of shit, a loser, hated myself, loathed and despised myself, thought I was a waste of space on the planet, that is when I had to surrender, put up the white flag, and ask for help.

   Well for me it didn’t actually happen just that way.  I had no other choice when I came to from a black-out and a pass-out from drinking too much yet once again.  I was, yes again, in that state of incomprehensible demoralization.  I was a no call/no show at work, the answering machine light was flashing, I heard the message of concern from work, and I had no clue as to whether or not I had responded.  It SUCKS (and unless you’re a straw, don’t suck)!

   Do I lie?  What excuse could I make up?  Should I run away and get another job?  Luckily, I didn’t do any of the above.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was too damned exhausted.  Exhausted from what seemed like a lifetime of lying and making up excuses for my drunkenness.  Alcohol was my drug of choice which came from my mental sickness.

   I don’t know anyone who has not dealt with some kind of mental dis-ease.  Feelings of worthlessness and self-pity abound in our society of more is better.  I know now that prosperity and abundance does’t come from having the biggest house, the nicest car, the fattest wallet.  Prosperity and abundance comes from the heart and feeling worthy of taking up space on this planet, for earning our space on this planet.

   And now that I have a few years of being clean and sober my life has made a complete about-face.  Today I ask my Higher Power of My Own Understanding, a Power Greater Than Me, to guide me to be of service to another human being in need.  Because today my life is good and, unless I give it away, I can’t keep it.  But more than that, it feels good; it feels right.

   You see, today I have learned to live from my heart and no longer have to be that intellectual guru I thought I was.  I thought I could will whatever I wanted for myself.  But I couldn’t will away having to drink everyday.  But I could rationalize years, decades, of drinking myself into oblivion.

   And before getting sober and finding a simpler, more peaceful and spiritual way to live, I not only thought I was a waste of space on the planet, but I had no purpose.  I was just coming to, existing throughout the day, drinking, passing out, and doing it over and over and over.  It took me decades to bottom out.  That was my journey, but it doesn’t have to be yours.

   So if you find yourself or know of anyone still suffering in the dis-ease of thinking, addicted to substances or harmful actions, feeling worthless or harmed, please reach out.  Reach out to me or to a trusted human being.  Reach out to the wealth of support groups in your area.  Just reach out…JUST DO IT!

1_JustDoItMOS (Gimp wht) DbH

   And never, ever, ever feel shame nor guilt.  Never feel like a burden.  If you don’t reach out you are depriving us all of the gift of giving…giving of ourselves to another valued human being.  That giving keeps us clean and sober and out of ego.  That giving gives us purpose.

   Thank you all for being part of my journey.  I look forward to being part of yours!  With warmest aloha, Dee Harris