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One day it just clicks.

You realize what’s important and what isn’t.  You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.

You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover.

And you smile.

You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.

Well, perhaps, it just clicked one day.  But how I see it is I couldn’t go a day without drinking.  I hated myself for my weakness, my lack of self-control and self-will.  I drank myself into oblivion.  I bottomed out.  I finally, because I didn’t know what else to do, told the truth and asked for help.

That’s when it clicked.  After a bunch of clean days under my belt, the fog had lifted and I was gaining my clarity.  I started putting good food into my body instead of drinking my calories.  I started to get good sleep instead of passing out and coming to.

That’s when it clicked.  I introduced myself to a 12 Step Fellowship I humbly asked for help with a group of like-minded non-judgmental people.  I did what they suggested.

That’s when it clicked.  Working the Steps I was able to realize what makes Dee tick and that which didn’t serve me, I learned to let go.  I got honest.  I made my amends.  I gave back that which was so freely given me when I needed it most.

That’s when it clicked.  Slowly, one day at a time, I shaved off my decades of callousness, peeled off the layers of onion skin, and learned to be the real me for which I was put on this planet.  I finally had worth and a purpose to be here.  I could love myself for who and what I am.

So I smile.  I smile because I am truly proud of myself and the person I’ve fought to become.

If you would like to see this blog as a video on YouTube, please visit  Enjoy and aloha, Dee