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Life Partners

by Dee Harris

Hi.  My name is Dee Harris.  I wrote this blog quite a few years ago in December of 2013.  I would like to share it with you again.  It is entitled “Life Partners”.

What is a life partner?  The bond between two people who commit to being in a relationship with each other for a lifetime, who want to focus on the profound love that comes from committing mind, body and soul to another.  Such a bond requires allowing the other person to be, because deep sacred love comes directly from the soul which wants nothing but to give.  When we give freely and are open to receiving, when we share our love of the world, we form a partnership that stands the test of time.

I absolutely love today’s meditation on the Mentors Channel with Louie Schwartzberg because it is a reminder of how complete I finally feel in my life, how grateful I am, how content and full I am!  I finally have my life partner back in my life after a whole marriage of being apart.

30 years ago when Graeme and I got together I was deep in my disease of substance abuse.  We had two children, a house, cars, jobs, the whole nine yards.  But I was not grateful, content nor full.  I was empty and in a deep dark void.  I would often wonder “Is this it?  I don’t get it.  There’s got to be more to life because those around me seem happy and purposeful.  I just don’t get it!”

Graeme and the boys lived half our marriage with “that person”.  I functioned.  I worked.  I did domestic and extracurricular things.  As a closet drinker I put on a good front for you in the real world, but behind closed doors my family had to live with and tolerate “that person”.

Long story short I finally reached my bottom.  And with the help of my dad up in heaven and a power greater than myself I was rescued.  I was given a second chance.  But the life partner relationship was still not strong nor valued.

As Graeme was gone way more than he was home as a truck driver the kids and I continued to function as the all-American family.  But I knew that all was not peachy.  I yearned for completeness.  I still had that void.  then the kids grew up and went away to college.  Empty nest syndrome?  Perhaps, but I don’t think so.  I was used to the ski-racer kids being away for long periods at a time.  But when I knew they weren’t coming home and Graeme would “visit” two or three days a month, something started to wear on me.

It was the quality of our relationship.  For me it was not good.  Of course, the lack of quantity did not help so that when Graeme came home for a “visit” he would be all stressed out trying to do this, that, and the other before he quickly had to get back out on the road.  Because I do not do stress well I oftentimes was relieved when he left.  Sad, huh?

After a few years of that and telling myself that all was good as the resentments of shoveling snow from one pile to the other to make room for the snow that had to come off the roof but keep the driveway clear, yada, yada, yada, Hawai’i and the honu called me to come home.  The bear in Tahoe told me that my 30-year cycle there was complete.

I am now home in Hawai’i.  Hmmmm.  Still something awry.  I have a higher power telling me to be grateful, that I am right where I need to be.  But something still lacking and I feel that void.  After a year and a half in Hawai’i seeing Graeme even less now than in Tahoe, the best Christmas present ever!  He sold the truck and is coming home!

Be careful what you wish for as we have never had a husband and wife relationship sober and sans kids.  What if we can’t live together?  What if we hate each other?  What if our lives really go to shit?  I have learned to live one day at a time, in gratitude, and if that’s the way it’s supposed to be, so be it.

Almost two years we have been together, finally, and my life has never been better.  My void is gone.  I have someone with whom to talk story everyday.  To share the daily trivia that is my life.  I have someone to cook for and eat with.  I have someone with whom to go to the grocery store (missed that the most while working as a grocery checker).  I have someone with whom to cry and laugh.  My life is full.  I am content.

Please allow me to share what I have learned from this morning’s meditation.  Insight for today:  Remember to thank your beloved for being who they are, for allowing you to be who you are, and for being willing to travel on this journey of life with you.  Thought for today:  I am grateful for the gift of unconditional love my life partner and I happily share.

Nourishing your relationship creates a strong foundation on which to build a life.  A relationship such as this is a sacred blessing for which we should be grateful.  I am so very grateful…

…and today as I republish this blog almost 6 years after I first wrote it, my relationship with my husband just keeps getting better by the day.  Who woulda thought?  Is that odd or is that God?  Hmmm…  My relationship with my Higher Power keeps getting better by the day as well.  Food for thought.

With that I shall leave you.  Have a mighty fine day and try to be grateful for all that surrounds you.

With warmest aloha, Dee Harris

For those interested in viewing this blog as a vlog, in a video format, please visit me on YouTube at YouTube Vlog “Life Partners”