When certain blogs touch me I share them with you, with a few short paragraphs from me about how it pertains to my life in recovery…Dee Harris
Dee: This blog was inspired by “How Do You Deal with Your Disappointment?”
by Aishwarya Shah.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT?
JANUARY 7, 2019 BY AISHWARYA SHAH
Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.
Though some do get more than their share of disappointments, I believe that we have the inner strength to deal with whatever life doles out. It is not the amount of grief or disappointment that comes one’s way, but the manner of dealing with it that shapes a person’s character. And, moreover, I think, those who can take the good and bad, success and failure, victory and disappointment with the same equanimity are the ones who pass the test of life. It is your response to setbacks that set the blueprint for how life treats you for rest of the journey.
When disappointed with something or someone, how do you react? Do you get angry or depressed? Do you sulk or start a blame game? Or do you withdraw into yourself, discouraged and defeated, to lick your wounds in self-pity?
Disappointments are inevitable for everyone. Expectations cannot always be met to our satisfaction, nor can all dreams be fulfilled. This is the hard truth of life. People will not always act as we wish them to, nor relationships proceed in the manner we plan. Parents won’t always approve what you have set your heart on; lovers won’t always dole out ardour and compliments; children won’t always aim to please, nor if we allow it to, disappointment could lead to sadness, grumpiness, disillusionment, discouragement or helpless anger. We often tend to vent our spleen on those closest to us, which of course leads to further issues. Most of the caustic, anti-social people we come across, those whom we label ‘frustrated souls’, have been repeatedly disappointed in life and not dealt with it right. Some even develop sour facial features, so deep is the surliness etched into their souls! Surely you do not wish to end up in that category?
I love being an alcoholic in recovery, the “grateful alcoholic” that folks would call themselves that made me cringe in bewilderment. Today I AM that “grateful alcoholic.
A 28-day treatment program for alcoholism and, more importantly, Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me so much to make a better, lighter, freer life for myself. Many slogans on the walls of our meeting places and a toolbox for living in the 12 Steps and the Big Book all started to make sense as I trudged the road to happy destiny.
One very important slogan or quote I learned in AA that I carry with me always is “No Expectations. No disappointments.” You see, I learned that I have no control over people, places, or things. I was given the opportunity to “make up” a Power Greater Than Myself over which I could turn my will and my life.
Today I can trust that this Higher Power has my back and has the control. And with faith that everything is perfect at this very moment I have no disappointments, just journeys toward learning and growth on a path to make me the best me I can be.
The first step towards dealing with disappointments with maturity is to set realistic expectations. Even while doing so, keep room for disappointment. Do not get into anything expecting disappointment of course—that would be a sure recipe for disaster! But do keep Plan B ready. If your plans or expectations are thwarted, allow yourself time for disappointment; there is nothing wrong in feeling disappointed or disillusioned. Wallow in the emotion for a bit; understand what you are experiencing and what the loss means to you. Just know you have to snap out of it soon and in time you will get over it – whatever it is.
So if your plans or expectations are thwarted, embrace those those incidents.. Thank them for coming. And then let them go…even blow them a kiss good bye as you send them up to the clouds. And then move on, knowing that everything happens for a reason, perfectly, and the best is yet to come. A Power Greater Than Ourselves has plans for us that we can’t even create in our wildest dreams!
This also gives you time and the opportunity to assess the situation and your position. I have spoken about this in my last post on The Uplifting Power Of Perspective, that, Getting a perspective is important. How big will the impact of this disappointment be in your life? How can you minimize the damage? Do you see a silver lining and can you try and make the most of it?
I always try to look at the glass half-full. Living optimistically helps turn any negative situation into a positive one and always helps get me out of my ego and back in touch with who’s running the show, my Higher Power. Taking moments throughout our hectic days to recenter is so important to our mental health and emotional well-being. Remembering that we are NOT in control of people, places, or things is crucial. Trust and faith helps heaps, too!
So turn it over. Trust. Learn. Know that these situations are uncomfortable and try doing something differently in the future when similar situations arise. That’s what it’s all about. Learning. Growing. And then sharing with others compassionately and lovingly who are going through similar situations.
Once you accept the situation, it is easier to move away, take an objective view and plan future action. Maybe you can be allowed another chance – assess if you would like to take it or pass it up for something else. Or maybe all doors are firmly closed and you need to look towards something else. That is ok too. Life offers so many options – and gives you several chances to make good your mistakes or disappointments. Take those chances.
While you have life and health and a positive outlook, you can always move on towards other, different victories. The key is in not letting yourself be dejected, to accept and objectively assess before moving on…
The size of your success for anything is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my experience, strength and hope with you. So how can we deal with disappointments? By remembering “No Expectations. No disappointments.” Ta Da!!! Go with the flow, that which life offers you, and know that everything is happening for a reason, perfectly! It starts to make sense that all situations are sent our way to help us to be the best we can be! Enjoy the journey…
With warmest aloha, Dee Harris
ECLIPSED WORDS BY AISHWARYA SHAH | JANUARY’2019 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©